so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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