I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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