If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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