I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
