I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
