What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
