quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Congratulations! We have a period
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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