Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
