I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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