Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
