she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
