what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
