I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
