Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
