Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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