I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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