I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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