what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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