On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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