cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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