I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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