my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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