16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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