Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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