Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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