my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
