Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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