My Higher Power is John Stamos
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
