You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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