Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
