I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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