Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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