The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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