A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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