Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
