And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
