did you get engaged???
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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