I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
