I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
