Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize