I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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