you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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