My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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