ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found your dick twin last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
