Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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