i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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