If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize