I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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