My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
