I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
