I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
