Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's blow job season.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
