in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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