True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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