So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
