make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
