Me. At least after what I've been through.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
