gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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