i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
